Strength

Today was an emotional day. We went down to Galveston to visit my great aunt who is plagued with cancer. It's such a horrible thing.

 She has cervical cancer that just seems to be taking her over. She looked beautiful as ever, but so frail and small at the same time.


I have been putting off going to visit because I was scared. I was scared to see someone I love suffer. I was afraid that I would bring in something that would make her sicker. I was afraid that she would be in too much pain to want visitors and that I would be a bother.

And honestly, I was afraid because I felt like if I went to see her, I was admitting that this could be the thing that kills her. (Wow. To say (or write) that is heart wrenching.)

You see, I haven't had to see anyone suffer before. I have lost a few people here and there over the years, most of when I was much younger and then, of course, the loss of my pregnancy, but I've never had to sit there while someone I love fights for their life.

But I went. I went because when someone is in a state like that, you suck it up. I took Lainey with me. My aunt is so kind and love us all so much. She often asks about Lainey and wants pictures of her so I took her. I know that there is nothing sweeter than a child and I knew seeing her would make my aunt happy.

And it did. I overheard her talking to the nurse about how she was so happy to have her great niece and her great-great niece come visit.

Seeing her in the hospital bed in the middle of her own bedroom under the care of hospice was definitely a reality check. It makes me realize how short life is. And how important family is.

We are so lucky that Lainey not only has grandparents around but great-grandparents to spare! We are so blessed to be surrounded but such an incredible family who is so loving. How can you take that for granted? How can you sit idly by and not play an active role in fostering and nurturing those relationships?

I love my aunt. I love her because she always sent me homemade carrot cakes and because she makes the best gumbo I've ever had. I love her because she is my grandma's best friend and their relationship is inspiring, they are the definition of soul mates. I love her because she is a strong woman who spent the entire hour telling me that she will be fine and to quit worrying. I love her because she has the kindest heart and would take in any stray that came to her door. I love her because she has the confidence and the spirit to believe she will be ok.

And while my heart is so sadden that she has to endure such hell, it has also found strength in hers.

I have hope and I have faith. Please, please pray, friends.