I feel like my posts have been so negative and that's why I haven't been posting lately. I'm so frustrated with the fact that we are still not pregnant, that I still have some pain from my surgery and that I now PMS like a B.
I thought that I was pregnant this month. I really did. I got a little excited when I felt nauseous so I took a test. It was negative and I was sad.
Why is it so hard to just be happy? I have the most amazing child in the world. She is beautiful, perfect, smart, loving, hysterical...a complete and absolute joy. But I get so caught up in wanting more babies just like her.
All of this has, luckily, not taken away from her. I think it makes me enjoy her more. I've started rocking her again before bed, I don't want to miss a moment with her because what if she is my only little one? I couldn't bear not giving her everything I've got.
I know that being a mom is the most important thing to me, it has been since the day started trying to get pregnant with Lainey. I will be the best mom I can to however many babies I have.
In reality, it hasn't been that long since we started trying, just now reaching 6 months. But with Lainey and the second baby, it happened so quickly, I just knew this time would happen as quickly. I've come to trust my body rather than trust God and his timing. Maybe I'm not getting pregnant because it's not the right time. Maybe I'm not getting pregnant because something is wrong. Either way, I'm working on my patience and my trust.
I am concentrating on loving the child I do have, who is the biggest blessing I could ever imagine (I mean seriously, how did I get so lucky to be HER mom?! I seriously have the best kid!).
I am concentrating on being the best wife I can be. I have a kind, loving husband who would give me the world if he could.
From today on, I will trust in God and I will wake up each day to not try to understand why it hasn't happened yet. I will focus on what I have, not what I don't have. THAT will be my New Year's Resolution (even though I think NYRs are kinda crap).
So, here's to living one day at a time and enjoying the life we all have! After all, we are blessed to have life at all.
Mondays with Manny
6 hours ago