Thursday, December 22, 2011

Editing your friendships

Today my best friend came down from Dallas to have a little Christmas visit with me and Alaina. We had such a fun time catching up...for almost 6 hours! Gee, I love her.

Hanging out with friends like her makes me realize, in my wise old age of 27, almost 28, that I place a different value on my friendships that I had in years past.

I no longer feel the need to "chase" friendships, you know, those "friends" that you put so much effort into calling, emailing and reaching out to with no reciprocation. G and I have been friends for almost 14 years and, as we say, have been long distance for nearly 11 years. Despite that, we remain connected. We call each other, visit each other and play an active role in each others lives.

Friendship is not convenient. But it is what you make it.

As I near my 28th birthday, I feel like I've come to a turning point. I'm deciding which friendships I need to invest in the most. Those are the friendships I count on to be there 25 years from now. I know, as heartbreaking as it is, that not all of my friends will be around in that time.

At this point in my life, I don't need an active social calendar with mundane, inconsistent friendships. I need and want those who want to be there despite any and everything. Sure, an occasional lunch with a friend or acquaintance is great!

I am willing to do what it takes to make those friendships work. I will not continue to call friends who don't return calls. I will not continue to throw showers and attend parties for friends who cannot bother to do the same for me, or at least to show up for my life's major events.

I'm too old and I don't have the time.

But I will go above and beyond for those who love me and support me. For those who are happy for me, I will celebrate in their every happiness.

The strange thing is, I am completely ok with it. I am fine with phasing people out of my life. Not to sound callous or snarky, or like an episode of Friends, but I am set to begin the official phase out.

So, what kind of friend are you? "Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them."

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Jenn said...

I could not of read this post at a better time.. Not that I wish it negative friends upon you, but glad to know I'm not alone!
I like your attitude on this and will be following suite!

Good luck, and here's to putting effort into the friendships that count and to people who feel the same about you as you do for them!!!

Mateya said...

This is so true. It's amazing how friendships change over the years and you quickly realize which ones are important to keep and which ones aren't.

Aliya said...

I totally hear you.. I feel like we're at the age where the friends we've had for years either grow with you or away from you. It's sad that I have a few friends who I know if I met now, we'd never be friends because they're still so childish, immature, and "crazy" if you will, haha... That probably sounds awful, but it's true! Esp once you get married and have kids... you can tell the friends who will be with you for the long haul or the ones who were only with you for the fun parts in the beginning. Love this post!

Jamie said...


Annemarie @ Brunch at Saks said...

I love this post more than you'll ever know. Thank you for taking the time to write it. When you said you no longer feel the need to "chase" friendships it really struck a chord within. That's exactly how I feel!

Happy holidays to you! xo

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

I completely agree with this! There's some friends that you have to realize it's not worth chasing them.

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