Purpose

What is your purpose in life?

All my life I have wanted to move to New York and write. It's been my dream since I got my first subscription to Tiger Beat in third grade. 

Would I still do it? In. A. Heartbeat.

Is it my purpose in life? Absolutely not.

Losing our second child has put so much into perspective me for. So much of my identity is wrapped up in being a mom that, after just one year of being one, I don't know what else I would do with my life. 

This is my purpose. To make this child happy. To raise her to be a kind human being. 

Before I lost the baby I often thought about going back to work, starting my own business and finding ways to be busy outside of the home. Now, it breaks my heart to be away from Lainey for a few hours. She is my world. In her, I find so much purpose, solace, comfort and love. I find my identity. It's as if, after 28 years, I'm finally the person I am supposed to be. I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. 

It's a strange thing when your world is wrapped in something so helpless. I only hope that I can give her a piece of the happiness she has given me. 

And hopefully one day, I will make her a big sister.