It's getting close

The day I've been dreading for almost 8 months is right around the corner. My due date.

Baby number 2 should be making his or her grand entrance into this world in just five weeks. But he/she isn't. And I am still not expecting.

While it's been tough, I can say, I think I am reaching a place of peace with the whole thing. I'm ok. I've reached a place where even if I don't have more babies, I think I will be just fine with the perfect little girl that I do have.

I am blessed and I know that. Finally. It has taken me since Septemeber to get here, but here I am.



Look at this face!

Despite it all, things are great. I am happy. Really, life couldn't get better unless another little one did join our family.

Things are moving along with our new house and we should be in at the end of summer. I am so excited about this I can hardly wait!

Finally permitting our lot! Ready to see some concrete!

Things with my headbands are going amazingly well! I'm actually stocking merchandise in a boutique now! It's crazy how things work out. Be sure to take a look at my Facebook page. I am annoucinging a giveaway tomorrow!   I will soon play catch up on my blog reading! My google reader is out.of.control!

I'm not pregnant.

I was hesitant to post this but it's what's on my heart and mind today, so here it goes...

I'm not pregnant. I know, a lot of people aren't and it's a strange thing to say. But I'm not pregnant. This weighs on my heart like a ton of bricks and it makes me sad. Daily.

Getting pregnant with Lainey was really easy. I had an easy pregnancy, for the most part. My delivery was tough but it was successful. After almost 51 hours of labor, I had a happy, healthy baby and I survived. What more could you ask for?

I took that all for granted.

I assumed having another would be easy. We've only been trying since July, going on month #5, but I am not where I thought I would be. I thought that I would be announcing on Facebook, planning for my anatomy scan and excited to make Lainey a big sister.

I found out I was pregnant at the end of July. It happened so quickly but in the blink of an eye, I was rushed into emergency surgery and my baby was gone. (read about that here)

My heart aches for the baby I lost and it longs to have another baby to love. Not to replace it, just...I don't really know how to explain it.

I know so many people who have had difficulties, honestly, before having Lainey, I had a feeling I would be one. After having her, I knew getting pregnant and having a baby would be easy.

Why would I ever think that?

Who ever would assume getting pregnant is easy?

You never know how the words "when are you having more?" can sting. You never think about that kind of thing until you or a friend goes through it. I had a friend who had a struggle finally getting pregnant with her sweet boy and it wasn't until her that I thought to keep my "When are you having babies?" to myself. But to constantly hear "it's time for another" and "When are you going to make Lainey a big sister?" sucks.

Lainey is incredible. She is absolutely the best thing to ever happen to me, the best thing in my life. Thinking about how much I adore her completely overjoys me. I don't discount her or feel that she isn't enough.

She is enough.

But it doesn't change the fact that I want more, or that I will never meet the one I lost.

It's still hard.

Mind your manners, friends.

I'm not quite sure why everyone has this need to be rude to others. Maybe it's their lack of social etiquette, or their lack of social filter...or maybe even, perhaps, their medical degree they earned off of Web MD. Whatever it is, it's completely unnecessary.

Yesterday at the gym I had the following conversation with a lady about 55 years old as I was walking into the fitness room and she was walking out:

Me - "Good Morning."
Her - "Good Morning. Are you here to work out?"
Me - "Nope, I'm here to observe. I dress like this for fun."
Her - "What class are you waiting on?"
Me - "Pilates."
Her - "You know, it's really not appropriate for pregnant ladies to work out. You never know what it could do to your baby. That is a very tough class. Very strenuous."
Me - "Really? I had no idea. I think I may need to tell my doctor so she can go back to medical school then because she told me that working out is good for me. Thank you so much for the advice! I will obviously listen to you over my doctor!"

Ok, you're right...That's not EXACTLY how the conversation went. But everything she said was dead on. I may or may not have said those things but I was definitely thinking them!

Here's another fun one. It literally took every ounce of Jesus I had in me not to slap this guy stupid.

I was at Kroger the other day picking up a few things and this man, probably in his late 40's early 50's (and probably drunk) comes up and says:

Him - "Oooh...how much longer do you have to go?"
Me - "About 3 1/2 months."
Him - "That's exciting! But you still have the entire summer to go!"
Me - "Yes, I know that."
Him - "It's going to be so hot!"
Me - "I know, it is every summer." (note the agitation is just a brewin'!)
Him - "Man, I sure feel sorry for your husband!"

That is the point where I wanted to spout off something snarky about him being single and that he probably would be for the rest of his life...but instead I smiled and walked away.

I also had someone ask me the other day if I had planned my baby. Maybe not completely rude, but I found it odd. Yes, we did plan our baby. But is that really anyone's business. I thought it was so odd and I was caught off guard. It's not like I'm 16, or dating a guy I've known for 3 months. I'm married, 27 years old and have been with B for 6 years! Is it really a surprise that we tried to get pregnant?!

Seriously, I've said it before, some people should really not be allowed in public...

Baby Bump

How Far Along: 19 Weeks, 1 day

Size of baby: about 6 1/2 inches, 8 ounces

Total Weight Gain: 6 pounds. And it feels like 66.

Maternity Clothes: A few pieces. I've noticed that shirts aren't long enough for me anymore. I did buy a pair of maternity capris but I still have some regular pants that fit as well. I'm wearing a lot of sundresses and those I had pre-pregnancy are fitting just fine.

Gender: We find out the week of May 20...and I cannot wait!

Movement: Right now it just feels like the baby is tickling me. Or thumping me. I'm just glad to be able to feel him/her!

Sleep: I've become addicted to pillows and basically build a fort around myself every night in order to sleep well. B hates it.

What I miss: Nothing that I can think of...

Cravings: Still fruit! Watermelon, strawberries and grapes. Oranges now give me insane heartburn!

Symptoms: I still get stretching cramps here and there but that's about it. And gigantic boobies.

What I’m looking forward to:
Finding out what we're having. Boy or girl, I really don't care, I just want to know!

Sorry for the craptastic picture but I wanted to share my belly with you all. This was late last night. We had just got home from church stuffing boxes to send to Alabama and I'm looking rough!

Guilty Pleasure

Lately I swear I have been in a world of my own. My time is different than your time. I'm hungry when nobody else is. I leave my house with no shoes on. I cheat in Pilates.

My own little world...Here are a few things that have been my guilty pleasures since I now have the excuse, "but I'm pregnant."

• I LIVE in yoga pants and think that is perfectly acceptable. Even though I don't do yoga except on a very, very rare occasion.

(and pray daily that I will look like her when I am far along.)

• I nap almost daily.

(most days, this is how I feel come 2 p.m.)

• I eat entire baskets of strawberries and don't even feel bad that I didn't leave any for anyone else.

(ok, maybe I shouldn't feel guilty about this one.)

• Cupcakes. I've never been a huge cake eater but OMG...I looove cupcakes right now. And I'm wishing I lived in NYC so I could have Billy's Bakery every. single. day. No shame. And no, not Magnolia, because Billy's is the best. Period. I'm sorry, but Carrie Bradshaw lied to you.

(and trust me, you don't want to argue with a pregnant girl.)

Pregnancy...

How Far Along: 14 Weeks (yesterday)!

Size of baby: about the size of a lemon

Total Weight Gain: 2 pounds..still. But somehow my body is expanding.

Maternity Clothes: Not yet but I've been living in sundresses because my jeans and shorts aren't cutting it!! But, I'm am most definitely hoping to get this soon...

Gender: We find out the week of May 9...Way too long from now!

Movement: From what they tell me, the baby is a wiggle worm at this point but I'm not feeling anything.

Sleep: I am sleeping much, much better! Thank goodness! I think finally being able to work out again contributes to that, though.

What I miss: Sleeping on my back and belly.

Cravings: Still fruit! Oranges, watermelon, apples, grapes.

Symptoms: Guess what...No more morning sickness!! I have been getting what my doctor called round ligament pains but it's not bad at all.

OH, and crazy hormones! Remember when your parents would make you clean the bathroom? Well, yesterday I cried because I COULDN'T clean the bathroom and B was out of town. Seriously?!

What I’m looking forward to:
Finding out what we're having. Boy or girl, I really don't care, I just want to know! My next ultrasound.

No sex for a year!!!

Friday I had a baby check up appointment with my new doctor. I really like her more every visit. And so does B. While at the appointment I presented her with a list of questions that I had written out like I do prior to every appointment.

I mentioned to her that a very good friend of mine has a son nearing 2 years and she told me that after he was born, it was nearly a year before she could comfortably have sex again. I simply asked if this was normal.

Her exact response:

"The vagina was made for the penis. If you can't have sex comfortably, there is something wrong and you need to come in."

Oh. My. Goodness! I laughed so hard I was in tears. It's obviously the most uncomfortable place in the world, and I swear that was the most awkward conversation!! B thought it was so funny and as we left the drs office, he said to me, "Man, I knew I liked her!"

Oh goodness.

I also wanted to share this with you all. One of the ladies at church gave me this slip of paper on Sunday morning at church. It was a perfect little God wink.