For the mommies

I shared this on Facebook a few days back and it still haunts me. So beautifully written and so true.

This is for all the mother's (including pregnant ones and those who desire to be) in the world, this one is for you!

Author Unknown

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"


"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

 
"I know," s...he says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.

That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.


I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.


However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.


Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

 
That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.


I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.


I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.
I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.


My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.

It's getting close

The day I've been dreading for almost 8 months is right around the corner. My due date.

Baby number 2 should be making his or her grand entrance into this world in just five weeks. But he/she isn't. And I am still not expecting.

While it's been tough, I can say, I think I am reaching a place of peace with the whole thing. I'm ok. I've reached a place where even if I don't have more babies, I think I will be just fine with the perfect little girl that I do have.

I am blessed and I know that. Finally. It has taken me since Septemeber to get here, but here I am.



Look at this face!

Despite it all, things are great. I am happy. Really, life couldn't get better unless another little one did join our family.

Things are moving along with our new house and we should be in at the end of summer. I am so excited about this I can hardly wait!

Finally permitting our lot! Ready to see some concrete!

Things with my headbands are going amazingly well! I'm actually stocking merchandise in a boutique now! It's crazy how things work out. Be sure to take a look at my Facebook page. I am annoucinging a giveaway tomorrow!   I will soon play catch up on my blog reading! My google reader is out.of.control!

I'm not pregnant.

I was hesitant to post this but it's what's on my heart and mind today, so here it goes...

I'm not pregnant. I know, a lot of people aren't and it's a strange thing to say. But I'm not pregnant. This weighs on my heart like a ton of bricks and it makes me sad. Daily.

Getting pregnant with Lainey was really easy. I had an easy pregnancy, for the most part. My delivery was tough but it was successful. After almost 51 hours of labor, I had a happy, healthy baby and I survived. What more could you ask for?

I took that all for granted.

I assumed having another would be easy. We've only been trying since July, going on month #5, but I am not where I thought I would be. I thought that I would be announcing on Facebook, planning for my anatomy scan and excited to make Lainey a big sister.

I found out I was pregnant at the end of July. It happened so quickly but in the blink of an eye, I was rushed into emergency surgery and my baby was gone. (read about that here)

My heart aches for the baby I lost and it longs to have another baby to love. Not to replace it, just...I don't really know how to explain it.

I know so many people who have had difficulties, honestly, before having Lainey, I had a feeling I would be one. After having her, I knew getting pregnant and having a baby would be easy.

Why would I ever think that?

Who ever would assume getting pregnant is easy?

You never know how the words "when are you having more?" can sting. You never think about that kind of thing until you or a friend goes through it. I had a friend who had a struggle finally getting pregnant with her sweet boy and it wasn't until her that I thought to keep my "When are you having babies?" to myself. But to constantly hear "it's time for another" and "When are you going to make Lainey a big sister?" sucks.

Lainey is incredible. She is absolutely the best thing to ever happen to me, the best thing in my life. Thinking about how much I adore her completely overjoys me. I don't discount her or feel that she isn't enough.

She is enough.

But it doesn't change the fact that I want more, or that I will never meet the one I lost.

It's still hard.

Baby Showers & A Little Update

Wow, things have been so crazy lately! I went on a fun trip with Bobby to Denver, well, he worked, I had fun...And while we were there I started experiencing some really crazy pain in my groin and leg, which I thought was just a vericose vein. Well, when we got back, I went back to the doctor because she wanted to check for a blood clot...Thank GOD it wasn't that. However, we discovered that as my pelvis and hips started to spread for the baby, my pelvis shifted out of place. Talk about pain! So, over the last week, I have been in excruciating pain as the doctors have tried to get it back in place. And thank goodness, I can feel such a difference and such a relief!

In better news...I've had two baby showers so far and we are definitely feeling the love! Here are a few pictures so you can see all of our goodies and all of the people I love the most! :)

hostess gifts

Two of my cousins who helped host

And their moms

Another one of my aunts

The grandmas

The great-grandmas

My grams, who Alaina will be named after, and my mom

This was my shower the Junior League girls gave me...these are my hostesses

The super-cute wreath they made her

We are so blessed to have so many sweet friends and family in our lives who already love Alaina so much! We are so excited and I cannot wait until she's here! Just 8 1/2 more weeks!!

Happy Thursday, friends!

Randoms

We are gearing up for some busy, busy weekends. I think we literally have something every single weekend until September. That stresses me out just a little...

I have way too many baby showers being planned to even mention. To be honest, It's kinda crazy how many I'm having. But I have a huge family and everyone is divorced so we have to have one for each side of the family...

I need to buy hostess gifts for everyone throwing said showers and have no clue what to get. Any ideas? Please, please, please help me think of something...Something that won't break the bank but is still cute.

Anything...

We decided that we are going to do maternity pictures. A friend of mine does photography as a hobby and has offered to do the pictures for us at no cost! Um, ah-mazing! I am going to take them in Galveston where we got married and maybe a few on the beach. And then she and I will spend the afternoon shopping and having lunch. I am pretty nervous about this because I'm still not sure how I feel about maternity pictures but, she offered, so I figured, why not?

Today my mom and I are spending the day together updating my registry, picking out invitations for my baby shower and just hanging out.  I'm excited! This is pretty much our last free weekend before the madness starts.

Happy weekend, friends!

xxx

I love celebrating my friends!

The last few months/weeks have brought about some exciting times for my group of friends. We've had weddings, babies, big birthdays and lots of other fun stuff. I am one of those people who feels the need to celebrate every little thing so it's been an exciting time for me because everything has been such  huge celebrations!

LP welcomed her sweet baby girl, Olivia Grace. Isn't she precious?!

Dr. and Mrs. B got married in Temecula, California and have moved from Texas to Arkansas :( We are very sad but very happy for them!

My nephews were dedicated to the church! So exciting! I forgot my good camera and the one I used here takes really horrid pictures!

My daddy turned 49! Yep, he's young! He's already planning a trip to Vegas for his 50th next year.

This little cutie pie will celebrate her first birthday next week!

And my friends Meg and Dan welcomed their sweet baby boy into the world. Kellan James was born a week early and is absolutely perfect! He looks just like his daddy!
As you can see, there are some exciting things happening here in Texas! I'm so happy to be here and to be celebrating with those that I love.

What are you celebrating now?

Happy weekend, friends!

xx

21 Weeks and we have a name!!

How Far Along: 21 (almost 22) weeks!

Size of baby: She is a little over 12 ounces now and about 10 inches long.

BabyCenter says she is about the size of a banana.

Total Weight Gain: Not exactly sure but I would guess about 7 or 8 pounds. But it feels like much more! I did take a picture but B made me lift my shirt and I'm just not ready to get that person with y'all! I forgot to take a regular one :(

Maternity Clothes: Yep. Already. I am pretty short so I've never had this problem but everything is too short! I have to wear long, tunic style stuff or maternity.

Gender: IT'S A GIRL!!!

Her name is going to be:

Alaina Evonne LASTNAME

We are so happy to be able to call her by her name rather than "it" or "the baby". B is already nicknaming her Lainey and Evonne is after my wonderful Grandma. I'm so happy we are having a little girl so I can name her after someone so special to me.

Movement: Um, yes. It's like she's putting on a dance recital! She was getting down in church Sunday morning. I love feeling her kick and move.

Sleep: Some nights are better than others.

What I miss: A good night's sleep

Cravings: Not much anymore. But I did crave mustard the other day. :/

Symptoms: Morning sickness is gone!!! Symptoms now include gigantic boobs (see post below) and really weird dreams. I dreamt that I graduated nursing school with Britney Spears. Um...pretty sure that would NEVER happen!

What I’m looking forward to:
Painting Alaina's room and putting together her crib! We are painting this Friday and I'm soooo excited!

Gender Reveal!!

B and I have been so crazy busy over the last week and half. A lot of fun things have happened but the best thing ever is that we finally got to see our baby again and found out that we are having a healthy baby girl!

We are so very excited to be on Team Pink! So, as you can imagine, I have been spending every second that I am on the internet searching for things that my little princess needs and that is why I've been slacking in the blogosphere.

Here are a few things we have already purchased:

The Catalina Furniture set from Pottery Barn Baby.

Crib

Dresser and hutch

and this dresser (however, we ordered the extra wide) that will also serve as a changing table.

The first nursery photo will also be our inspiration for her nursery. I am really not into themes and have no desire to have a room in my house covered with lady bugs or bumble bees so we are just going with a color scheme instead. And I adore the colors in this room!

Have a great Wednesday, friends. I'm off to clean the house and avoid every urge I have to go to Baby Gap...

Baby Bump

How Far Along: 19 Weeks, 1 day

Size of baby: about 6 1/2 inches, 8 ounces

Total Weight Gain: 6 pounds. And it feels like 66.

Maternity Clothes: A few pieces. I've noticed that shirts aren't long enough for me anymore. I did buy a pair of maternity capris but I still have some regular pants that fit as well. I'm wearing a lot of sundresses and those I had pre-pregnancy are fitting just fine.

Gender: We find out the week of May 20...and I cannot wait!

Movement: Right now it just feels like the baby is tickling me. Or thumping me. I'm just glad to be able to feel him/her!

Sleep: I've become addicted to pillows and basically build a fort around myself every night in order to sleep well. B hates it.

What I miss: Nothing that I can think of...

Cravings: Still fruit! Watermelon, strawberries and grapes. Oranges now give me insane heartburn!

Symptoms: I still get stretching cramps here and there but that's about it. And gigantic boobies.

What I’m looking forward to:
Finding out what we're having. Boy or girl, I really don't care, I just want to know!

Sorry for the craptastic picture but I wanted to share my belly with you all. This was late last night. We had just got home from church stuffing boxes to send to Alabama and I'm looking rough!

Mother's Day

This weekend was a tad bit crazy. We went on a four hour road trip to visit B's grandparents and then headed back at 5 a.m. Sunday morning to see my nephews be dedicated to the church and then to celebrate Mother's Day with my moms.

After church I went with my mom and stepdad to have lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. Even though I ate my weight in food, it was nice to spend time with the family.

After lunch I headed over to my grandma's house to see my stepmom and my dad and the rest of the gang.

Mother's Day has always been a time for my family to get together, eat too much, swim (30 minutes after eating), and just hang out. This year was different to me. Being a soon-to-mommy, I really felt the meaning behind Mother's Day. It was the first time that I felt something more than just "Oh, let's celebrate my momma today."

You see, when my mom was pregnant with me, she was advised by several doctors that pregnancy was not a great idea for her. She had some medical problems and lost 2 babies before me and one after me. I am her only child. While I have always been extremely grateful for her choice, this year was different.

We've always had issues but with me having a baby on the way the way I see things has changed.

She literally put her life up for mine before I was even born. Suddenly, all the "bad" things she did growing up didn't matter. I am so thankful that I do not have to make that decision. I love my unborn child more than I could ever have imagined imagine.

This year, for the first time, I really sympathized with what it meant to be on bed rest for 9 months, to gain 70 pounds and to wish for something so badly to work out.

-----------------

Surprisingly, I actually received some great gifts for Mothers Day.

As well as this text that had me sobbing at 7:45 a.m. Sunday morning:

"The moment you started carrying that baby in your

tummy you became a mother. Happy First Mother's

Day my precious Stevy Lou...I love you."

(My name is not Stevy Lou, but this is what my aunt has always called me.)

The first book is from my sister for me to read to the baby. The second is a set of bible studies I got from my own mom.

I got this super cute stella&dot bracelet from my grandma as well as the Willow Tree person below.

The Sea of Magic necklace is from Bobby. He was so sweet and I was beyond shocked. Honestly, when he said he got me something, I was fully expecting a gift card for maternity clothes or something like that. Not a white gold diamond and pearl necklace. But he did good! He went to Jared. ;0)

And this is my beautiful Goddaughter, Amelia Grace. She is absolutely precious and I love that child like there is no tomorrow!

I hope you all enjoyed your Mother's Day!

Pregnancy...

How Far Along: 14 Weeks (yesterday)!

Size of baby: about the size of a lemon

Total Weight Gain: 2 pounds..still. But somehow my body is expanding.

Maternity Clothes: Not yet but I've been living in sundresses because my jeans and shorts aren't cutting it!! But, I'm am most definitely hoping to get this soon...

Gender: We find out the week of May 9...Way too long from now!

Movement: From what they tell me, the baby is a wiggle worm at this point but I'm not feeling anything.

Sleep: I am sleeping much, much better! Thank goodness! I think finally being able to work out again contributes to that, though.

What I miss: Sleeping on my back and belly.

Cravings: Still fruit! Oranges, watermelon, apples, grapes.

Symptoms: Guess what...No more morning sickness!! I have been getting what my doctor called round ligament pains but it's not bad at all.

OH, and crazy hormones! Remember when your parents would make you clean the bathroom? Well, yesterday I cried because I COULDN'T clean the bathroom and B was out of town. Seriously?!

What I’m looking forward to:
Finding out what we're having. Boy or girl, I really don't care, I just want to know! My next ultrasound.

No sex for a year!!!

Friday I had a baby check up appointment with my new doctor. I really like her more every visit. And so does B. While at the appointment I presented her with a list of questions that I had written out like I do prior to every appointment.

I mentioned to her that a very good friend of mine has a son nearing 2 years and she told me that after he was born, it was nearly a year before she could comfortably have sex again. I simply asked if this was normal.

Her exact response:

"The vagina was made for the penis. If you can't have sex comfortably, there is something wrong and you need to come in."

Oh. My. Goodness! I laughed so hard I was in tears. It's obviously the most uncomfortable place in the world, and I swear that was the most awkward conversation!! B thought it was so funny and as we left the drs office, he said to me, "Man, I knew I liked her!"

Oh goodness.

I also wanted to share this with you all. One of the ladies at church gave me this slip of paper on Sunday morning at church. It was a perfect little God wink.

Husbands, Nephews & Babies

I'm beyond excited that Bobby will be home in just a few days. It's been kind of a rough night/morning because I've been missing him. I did just leave Mississippi but I know I won't see him again until we move into our house on the 31st. My sister has been really great and always has be over to visit. Last night she brought my nephew over to play which is always a good time.  These are a few pictures that I took last night. 

Isn't his outfit precious! Uncle Bobby and I bought him that on our anniversary trip to Hawaii in March and it fits him perfectly and just in time for his 1st birthday. I'm going to use a picture I took last night to make his birthday invitations. Hopefully I can post them for you guys to see once I finally get them made!

Also just wanted to welcome my new followers! I've 3 in the last 2 days join! Thanks for tagging along guys! I love the company. Be sure to leave me a comment so I can check out your blog.

Ok. Not to extend this into a long sappy post but I'm having mama drama fears. I mentioned yesterday that a few of my friends are getting ready to start having babies and I'm sure my sister will be trying again for her second soon. I know that I'm still not ready and I've always wanted to wait until I was closer to 30 before having kids -- which is what my aunt and stepmom did and I think it worked perfectly. But, here's the thing...I've had so many people telling me lately that they can't imagine me not living in the city and  having a baby on  my  hip. I've always had this fear to have kids simply because I'm afraid I won't be a good mom. It has nothing to do with kids -- I love kids -- it only has to do with the fact that I'm terrified to raise screwed up kids and release them into society. What I'm hearing only scares me more. Yeah, I absolutely love living in the city and, in my opinion, there are several places in Houston that are perfectly acceptable to raise kids -- granted, I'll have to win the lottery to be able to afford those areas. I don't feel like there is anything wrong with me taking my time, enjoying my husband and being completely selfish right now because once kids come that's all over. I guess I had a friend say something the other night and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm not a super sensitive person and I rarely get my feelings hurt but that stung a little. I guess it's because I've always had this fear and then it's almost like it was just confirmed. 

Luckily, my family is pretty understanding and they don't press us too hard to have babies. I have a wonderful family and while I know they are all ready, they know I'm not. So, here's to hoping I grow into being mommy-material at some point...